I ask that however uncomfortable this may feel that you stick with me to the end.
We all know where we are in this country and frankly, the world right now. We are dealing with this in different ways and looking for answers to solve our immediate issues. That’s all fair. But what I keep coming back to is why and how we get here.
What I believe in my heart is that we are all special and unique souls that exist on this planet, in this place, and in this time for a reason. We may not know what that is and may not be the same for everyone. Whether you agree with me or not, data tells us that the things happening on the world stage at this time are not an accident. They are not the work of one person. This is because of the path we have been on as humans for thousands of years.
What we now recognize as the United States of America is a direct result of European influence and colonialism and imperialism. What happened on this part of the continent involved many factors of emigration, subjugation, eradication, indentureship, and enslavement. This piece is far too short to go into all the details but we know it is true.
What is sticking with me now are the shortcomings of our culture and society that allowed us to not heal the wounds or even own them. The erasure of truth and the proliferation of a myth of greatness based on patriarchy, racism, bigotry, entitlement, capitalism,and belief in opportunity that never existed without extracting something from people and places that were not there to be used as tools. And when other people from other places came here seeking the same opportunity, they were met with cruelty and brutality, and the reality of a place that put them in a caste system they didn’t know was here.
The problem is that I didn’t always know that. In fact, I didn’t know most of it. You see, I believed in the idea of what I thought “America” was about. The ideas of freedom, liberty, justice for all, equality, a melting pot, goodwill, empathy, truth, and the goodness of people. I believed in trust and accountability. I believed in free speech and innocent until proven guilty. I believed we welcome all to live here. And I thought everyone felt the same way.
I was naive and uninformed living in a vision of our world manipulated by those with power. I grew up in the era of civil rights and women’s rights and the sexual revolution. I grew up on rock and roll. I grew up believing that things were better now for those who had been subjugated before. But I wasn’t seeing the whole picture.
And then a funny thing happened. I got older. I started to live as an adult at around 17 and found out a lot of things were not what I thought. As I’ve grown older I continue to learn and yes unlearn so much of what I believed. I experienced harm and trauma that has impacted the rest of my life. I had to learn to make my way as a woman in a society and culture that still did not believe I was equal.
But I was going through my own life experiences and pain and trauma and raising a family and trying to survive and put a roof over our head and food on the table. It was often all that I had the space and ability to navigate. And of course, that was intended. And I recognize despite all that I was privileged enough that I could focus on just what was in my life at that moment.
And I still didn’t understand it all. But I continued to learn and get older. I began to get more educated and start to see things I hadn’t seen before or had not looked at the way I was now. The more I saw, the more there began to be. I became an activist. I wanted to fight for what I knew to be right in my heart. I still believed most people felt that way.
But the last 10 years have been the hardest. I began to see where we were headed and what was happening politically, culturally, societal and religious. I became more afraid and spoke out louder. But of course, privilege often means being able to look away and not listen. It can also mean just trying to hold on to the little bit you have because you are afraid.
Even when the very worst seems to be happening right in front of our eyes, we still seem to be either burying our heads in the sand, trying to just cover our own butt, not believing it, discounting it, or feeling paralyzed and unsure what to do. Because we didn’t know, we weren’t prepared, and because we are scared.
I am angry and sad but also I am grieving for what I’ve lost, what we’ve all lost. I see ICE, border patrol, the government, tariffs, Ukraine, Palestine, the Epstein files, the destruction of our planet, and the list goes on with this administration. The inhumanity laid bare in front of us. I feel the masks slipping away and I am grieving and angry. But I cannot look away. None of us can any longer afford to look away. Not just at what is happening now but the path that got us here. The lack of accountability and justice for those harmed in the past. The truth being manipulated before our eyes.
What I’ve come to see as I work myself to exhaustion over and over again to take care of my family and our lives is that the system isn’t broken. The system was designed this way. It is inequitable and cruel. The resources and services we need to survive exist but are doled out in a system that rewards money over need, power over humanity, greed over compassion. It is a system that sees some humans as expendable and only as resources designed to keep those who have money and power in place.
So I know that what we need to do is fight all of it, everywhere, all the time. We are part of a long journey of souls that have been doing the work to actually achieve the dreams of justice, freedom, equity, and love for thousands of years. Doing it with far less than we have now. Doing it at their own peril but persevering nonetheless. We need to vote and protest and organize and use our collective power but even that will not be enough.
It is only by recognizing the ways we have contributed to this culture and propped up this society either by lack of action or acceptance or outright actions that we can move forward. We have to reveal all the painful truths. Only the sun can cleanse this mess. Only by real justice and real recognition. Only by making serious cultural and societal changes that do not allow this to be replicated. Not any of it. Not patriarchy or misogyny, not racism or bigotry, not religious intolerance, gender and sexual ignorance or misrepresentation, not a lack of real education that shows all the truth, not capitalism that leaves hardworking people struggling to survive and others with nothing at all. Removing a system that puts a price tag or a worth on different people for different reasons instead of valuing all of us the way we are as family.
The lesson I fear is that I have to own my place in this mess. My own failures. My own replication of the cultural and societal norms. My own capitulation to the system to get by. And ask others to do the same. This only will work if we are all willing to get in there and get some scars. No matter how uncomfortable or painful it may be. We have to make significant personal and systemic change and if we aren’t willing to do that, we will just keep making the same mistakes and hurting the same people.
So grieve and rage and cry and lean on each other but don’t run away from any of it. Face it, learn it, witness for those who have been wronged. See their pain and harm, stand beside them and listen to them.
What comes next is really up to us and what we are willing to feel and sacrifice. No one was ever going to take care of it for us or fix it.
